Stop Press - The rumours about Norfolk were true!
I've just received a worrying report from a reliable contact. It seems she saw my last post, realised the significance of what she'd read in her local paper (the Dribbling Herald) and kindly got in touch. The paper tells the disturbing story of the hold up of the Dribbling-in-the-Marsh sub-Post Office two days ago. It should be noted that the Dribbling-in-the-Marsh sub-Post Office doubles as a village shop.
On Tuesday last, Miss Ethel Spatula (sub-Post Mistress) was subjected to a gruelling fifteen minutes during which she was tied to her chair and taunted mercilessly about the contents of her chilled fish counter. The gang of two were particularly insulting about the display of fresh crab. The criminals read their insults from pieces of paper that they carried about their persons, and on reaching the end of their script proceeded to frank Miss Spatula's forehead with her own date stamp. They stole half a dozen pieces of Haddock, one unidentified flat fish and a Pollock, and then made their getaway on foot.
Although the two thugs responsible for this outrage were subsequently captured (they had practised using the rubber date stamp on their own foreheads first, rendering them easy to identify), it now seems certain that another mystery figure was the brains behind the raid.
Ethel Spatula was able to confirm the identities of the robbers at an identity parade, and charges have been brought. Miss Spatula's insistence that there was a Gull perched on her Post Office bicycle during the entire awful experience was dismissed by the Police as being of no significance (and possibly a figment of an over-rought mind).
If there weren't already plenty of other clues as to Trenchfoote's current whereabouts, this confirms my worst fears. Those of you who have read The Testing of Archie Rathbone will already be aware of Trenchfoote's intense dislike of crabs!
I rest my case...
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